Where there's a will, there might be a way

I recently watched a very interesting video on willpower. I was bored and scrolling through YouTube looking for something interesting to watch when I stumbled upon this video. It lays out the concept of willpower and how we each have a limited stock of willpower to use within a day. This willpower is the only source of willpower we have to get anything done- so homework, work, chores, extra projects, all rely on it. This gives an explanation for why students will do their laundry, but be unable to finish their homework, or vice versa; they have already used up their willpower for the day.

I have been contemplating this for a few days and what this could mean within my life.

My friends and family always yell at me for joining many organizations. Realistically, I am a part of an unnecessary number and I don't really have an explanation for why I join everything that I can. I always claim that I don't like to be bored and like to be busy, which is true to a point. I feel I adopted this idea that I have to be busy all the time otherwise I am just wasting away my day. I always want to be doing something so that my day can be lived fully. But doing the bare minimum for each item that I need to achieve in a day is not living fully. I find myself doing only what I have to for each homework assignment instead of striving to achieve more. I constantly wonder what happened to the student who went above and beyond on assignments and was excited to learn new things.

There are so many distractions around today that prevent us from truly focusing. I sit down to do homework and find myself scrolling through social media for countless minutes as the night gets later and later. The homework doesn't get done, or gets done in a rush, and all I have done was mindlessly scroll and consume information about other people's lives. I will be in class and finding any excuse not to listen- I will check emails, text someone, plan out my week on google calendar, anything but what I truly need to focus on.

I have laughingly called myself an extreme procrastinator for many years now and always claim that one day I won't procrastinate any more. See, I'm pretty sure it is not that easy. I was always somewhat jealous of the people who could wake up early to their first alarm, exercise, eat breakfast, and then start their very productive day. (That comparison is whole other problem we can discuss another day). I don't have the answers for how to be more productive but I am slowly finding the will to make the small changes that will enable me to truly focus on what is important.

This year I want to remember that I have a limited amount of focus and willpower. Instead of waking up and immediately scrolling through social media or answering snapchats, it might be more fulfilling to enjoy the quiet of the morning by praying and reading the bible. Taking a brief early morning walk to wake me up and get fresh air can also remind me of the simple beauties of nature. Keeping my phone away from me after a certain hour of night already removes so many distractions that allows me to focus on writing or reading. Starting my day off more productive allows me to use my limited focus to achieve more of what I want to get done. Homework might find itself done before midnight and maybe blog posts will get written more frequently.

Going back to what I said about joining many organizations, I have found this year that I kind of slowed down and really tried to live for each day. My day not have been fully productive, but I tried to not wish the day away and instead live in each moment. I love to plan, but sometimes planning isn't everything. Maybe this year is an opportunity for more walks and hammocking, more slowing down and finding the peace in the craziness of each day. I don't have to be a part of anything and everything to make my day full. I should meet with those organizations that I truly believe in or think will help me achieve my goals.

I told myself I wasn't going to make resolutions because I don't want to change who I already am. I simply want to improve on what I have already become and find who I am supposed to be. Use my limited stock of willpower to write that bestselling novel instead of playing games on my phone. Go take walks and get fresh air instead of staying inside and consuming tv shows that distract from reality. Hang out with friends even though I am tired because one day those friends might live very far away. Spend time praying and reading the bible instead of making excuses.

So no, I don't know what happened to the girl who overachieved and went above and beyond on everything that was put before her. Maybe she never existed and is simply a delusion in my brain. But I know that who I am today still wants to overachieve in everything I do. Maybe this year, however, I can overachieve in writing instead of hours of screen time.

I hope you can find your focus too.

-Rachel